Mormon Country, “Boy Wonder”

Mormon Country c. W. Marling

“Then there were the Mormon girls, incandescent with inner goodness and hot to procreate, if only you joined the Church. They had strict rules about sexuality, and naive, fumbling hands. Trying to get my tongue between their milk-and-honey lips was more work than reading the Book of Mormon. “I know what you’re trying to do,” one of them, I think Sherri was her name, said to me after I had driven out 20 miles beyond Tooele to visit her at home. “Tell me,” I said, hoping she would say something accidentally sexy. “You’re trying to see if I’m wearing a bra,” she declared, “”but I’m not one of those bra-less girls.” It was 1970. I must have looked astonished, because even from fifteen feet away, what else could those nose-cones be? And there was Janice, smart and modest and secretly passionate, who drove a flaming red Jeep and wanted me to meet her dad after just one kiss, a kiss of such dental aggression that I thought I would need lip surgery. Mormon girls were all secretly married their fathers or to the Father — fine if you wanted to be a patriarch yourself, but I was headed in the opposite direction. After a while I learned that I was never going to seduce a Mormon girl; they had internal rules like skeletal bones, and I didn’t want to break any of either.”

– from Boy Wonder, Wm. Marling

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